give up and let me go

If I could somehow go through the last three days, and give you a photo montage it would be something like this, set to Cowboy Robot.
It starts with me in bed early on night up early Saturday, saying I'm okay, okay, okay. I drink 6-10 shots of espresso at work with Darrell...then suddenly I'm in the mountains, it is raining, and I am far far away. (Cowboy Robot comes in, I'm on the second go around with this album) My truck is fishtailing up this dirt gravel road and I think, "I'm really going to die alone. Like really, this time." But with a few more expletives than that.
I get to the Big Canyon music fest in the middle of nowhere, right as I can hear Revolution Medicine starting I slam my car door shut, wave at Paul and run through the trees, Kelsea's voice coming through the rain. (Yes, so dramatic and romantic, and my lungs giving out). I sit in Kaylene's arms for a moment and pull myself together. Kels and Collin and Caleb play an amazing set in the pouring rain, Kaylene and I huddled under an umbrella.
I go back down those mountains alone.
We graduate to I'm at church nervously drinking water, then at Olive Garden part 2 with Celisse, Alex, and Hannah Porter. I've had 2 more cups of caffeine, and I'm eating dinner with 3 of probably the most cynical people I know, which is good. I can't think straight, I fall asleep in my hot tub by accident.
Sunday-- I spend the entire day in bed, besides one hour at the gym that doesn't help anything. I start to think I'm having a relapse of my first semester of college when I throw off the covers and go to Shannon's house, and my D'Amicos heal me.
Then I sleep in today, get my contacts (I can finally finally finally see). I get my dose of Vitamin Kayleigh and grab coffee at work before going to the U.
After Spanish class, one of my classmates starts talking to me at the TRAX station, and we become friends by accident when we both get on the wrong trains. He's a young music snob, so we both have something in common, and we keep each other safe from creepy transients.
And then hookah with my buddies and like a hundred episodes of How I met your Mother.

So everything fell apart and came back together. And I'm happy again. And I'm taking all of this one day at a time, because it will come together one day when I'm back in the Midwest and smiling and tan.


"Dave, you look tired... like you've been babysitting all day."
-J.J.