[x] go to a show all alone

I wasn't going to even go, but I had already paid $20 for the ticket. So I drove all the way with butterflies, found a parking spot easily, and walked in the door.
It was in between sets, luckily, and in five minutes, I was standing in front of Jenny Lewis and so happy. I found a girl to stand next to who didn't have friends with her either, and we exchanged enchanted looks, and held our arms the same way the whole time, which was more lovely than creepy.
They mostly played songs from their new album that I don't know yet, but they ended with The Next Messiah song, and did a cute encore.

It was a really happy time for me. The girl and I introduced ourselves to each other after it was all over, and I really wanted to her to be my friend in real life. But I got high off the feeling of a stranger wanting to meet me. People ignore me all day at school.

Just in general, I am very happy with things, and I'm going to soak up this moment til I fall asleep.

It is strange to think I have only been back for a week. A good week though. Last Sunday I went to see Brandi Carlile with the ladies, and that show was just as amazing as the Tegan and Sara concert. And similarly, also made me want to cut off my hair, get tattoos, and be a lesbian rock star.

I worked a million hours, watched the 1st season of Dead Like Me, starting working out again, and one of the nights Celisse and Ten and I had a girls night and watched
a) The Bounty Hunter and
b) The Departed

Which I think is pretty hilarious considering the first is a chick flick, and the second is a bloody mafia movie with too many f-words to count.

I am trying to figure out what comes next, and the answers don't come to me no matter how many times I clean my room and turn on the Scentsy and make a night cap. My pillow is breaking my neck while I sleep.

But in general, things are going to turn out just fine.

A lot of people were looking at Tegan and Sara and wanting to kiss them, or just really really enjoying their music.
And I was too, but mostly, I just want to be them. Well, Tegan specifically cuz I like her haircut better. But the glamour just gets to me. I WANT IT. I want the tattoos and the hair, and playing amazing music and traveling the country, and being from Canada, and looking cold and wearing jackets. I want it all.
I feel 16 again.


I need the revolution medicine.