Leviathan

"In such condition there is no place for industry...no arts; no letters; no society; and which is worst of all, continual fear, and danger of violent death; and the life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short."
-Thomas Hobbes

In short.

No matter what people say, dogs don't really know when you're sad. They want your ice cream more than they want to sympathize for you.

But you gotta keep going because somewhere out there, men and women are dying for you.

And you have to keep going because one perfect man died for you, even though He didn't have to, and He was sinless, and you sure don't deserve it.
So there's that.

Lose 5 lbs this Week!

If you stop drinking champagne and eating ice-cream sandwiches.

All over the neighborhood, the dogs are barking.
We yield to summer whether we want to or not, but delight in cool days that remind us that the snow will indeed come back and save us from heat-exhaustion and fickle summer romances that we had our hearts set on.

Still.

If I feel overwhelmed: it will not last forever.

If joy floods my heart: I'll try to remember it with photographs and written record.

If Satan tries to tackle me, I will wear a stealthier uniform and heavier, ceramic padding.
His bones will be crushed underneath my feet.

And if I start to feel nothing, I will find the loopholes in the corners that I've been cornered in.
There is always a loophole.

summer skins

 Pictures from Roger's house in Iowa.

Sometimes I find these old stories that I forgot I wrote.

They are like stories coming from a stranger, and they bring back a memory that had been cremated, and I reconstitute it, and nod, and I think that I can remember being that person for a minute.

But I don't care to keep being that person. I sleep much better than she did.

doors

"No one can survive happy hour but the honey badgers."
-Zeth


And then there was me, and only me left.

And then there was no homework on a Sunday night.
And then there were doors that you would have to pick from.

And then I thought, what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life but exercise and watch the best TV shows?

And I realized that this is why people buy a house? to give themselves unlimited things to fix and to have to afford?

But you know what? That is what The Sims is for.

Well, I knew it would be a slippery slope to come back to Iowa.

I just can't remember times that I woke up happy everyday, like I do in Iowa. Every fragrance in the air is pure, and the colors seem brighter, and everything tastes richer.

If I was a scientist, I would think something about what is going on in my brain, and words like serotonin and oxytocin would come up.
But I'm not a scientist, so I just think I'm happy.

hopeful

"Well unlike you, I don't judge people just by how they look, okay? I'm more concerned about their compassion and principles."
"Well that is not very compassionate to those of us who look fantastic and don't have principles, is it?"

(Running Wilde Episode 1.02)

Summer, I am not going to let you kill me.


I got my haircut yesterday, and I've been running two miles a day, and I am starting lots of projects.
Today I had three cups of coffee, and then went to meet with my creative writing group. It was really encouraging, and fun to sit at a table with four other people who have a same passion and similar goals.


Then I got my cap and gown, and I am graduating tonight. I am hoping it will give me some closure, for now, and make everything seem more real.