Let's start over.

Personally, I really don't know what's going on.
That's why I haven't been writing anything.

My heart isn't saying anything, and my head is just saying "I love Jesus, I love America, I love Starbucks."
And maybe the last two things are foolish to admit somedays, but there is grace for that. Also, I may be brainwashed from getting up at 3:45am to brew coffee for crazy men.

 So here are some quotes.

"It's weird but, when I lean over like this, I can feel it squishing my baby. (long pause....) So maybe I shouldn't be doing that anymore."
-pregnant Elaine

"Dalmatians always die of cancer. I guarantee every single one of the 101 dalmatians died of cancer."
-Philip

"Run hard good and faithful servant! Just kidding. Go burn some calories."
-Ken

for Elaine, forever ago

Me: Can I go home sick so I can watch--
Elaine: Soaps?
Alex: I used to love to watch the Soaps when I was a kid.
Me: I was going to say Star Wars.
Elaine: General Hospital!
Alex: Yeah!
Elaine: My moms used to watch General Hospital and split a Diet Coke.

I don't know why I think this is so funny. I suppose it is partly because
a) Elaine kind of has two moms and
b) that they would split a Diet Coke.


Elaine is my darling, and favorite coworker. She comes from a polygamist family, but I haven't exactly pinned down what their beliefs are (they are not necessarily FLDS?) because she is wild and unorthodox, but still believes if her husband felt called to have a second wife, she'd be down.

She has red hair, and she is beautiful, and delightful, and funny and cheerful.
I wish I could bottle up the way I feel around her, and take it everywhere. No one would ever call me a dark and stormy person.

I am in a state of extreme encouragement right now. 
Even though I am sick (a result, I believe, of not drinking alcohol, but I don't have time to go into that theory right now) I am pretty happy and looking forward to my European vacation coming up, and I think my stomach is really getting healed from not drinking coffee and alcohol.

I am blessed beyond all measure.
Even though this life may not be the desire of my heart, when I come home from work and I don't have to cook dinner for my fake husband and imaginary kids, I am pretty lucky to get to just water my plants and take a nap. God knows what He is doing.

My favorite coworker is Elaine, I think. I know you're not supposed to have favorites, but Elaine is an exception because she is awesome. I think she is everyone's favorite.

She's a fiery red head, with what I can only describe as a deep California voice. 

"What's open at ten-thirty?" She looks at me, walking out for her lunch.

"La Frontera," Alex says.

Elaine fakes throwing up.

"Subway?" I say.

"That's right, you're a good woman, Rachel. I forgot about that."

"You forgot I was a good woman? Or about Subway?" I ask her, but she's already gone. I walk back to the other side of the pastry case and re-brew coffee.

The phone rings.

"Thanks for calling Starbucks, this is Rachel."

I can hear a deep throaty laugh.

I start laughing. Neither of us can even speak for ten seconds.

"What's up?" I ask.

"The milkman is here," she laughs. I keep laughing too, because the best thing about Elaine is she legitimately thinks every thing she says is really funny. "And it's not his baby!"

I can't stop laughing, even though a customer is standing there, waiting for me to get off the phone. 

I can't think why she would call to tell me that. There is literally no reason, except that she thought it was a hilarious joke.

Everything is funny when you get four hours of sleep. I missed this in ways I couldn't remember.

I feel like I'm teenaging again.

"So my brother says to the guy, 'Oh look, your iPhone screen is cracked.' And the guy stands up and says, 'No I don't do crack anymore, I just like the way it smells.'"

-Elaine