--quotes--

Sheri: I can't even be here. My friend died yesterday.

Me: Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that. Were you really close?

Sheri: Very close. She was a rich friend, and I keep my rich friends very close.

God can bring me whatever kind of woman he wants. Unless it's a Hungarian girl.

-Bogdan

Watching a boy pull a girl down the street by her hair:

Me: Man, this is the wild west.

Emanuel: Oh this is nothing, sometimes they bring out their swords.

Ashlyn: Wow, you and me are chopped liver!

Me: He only has eyes for Liz.

Liz: I think someone else has his teeth though.

When we were kids, we used to call Coca Cola "water with darkness in it".

-Carla

He's going to come back and throw a mazel tov cocktail through the window.

-Celisse

I think maybe he used to be cute. Maybe they used to have a real arousing marriage, but I don't know."

-Judy talking about really old neighbors

Francisco: Did you miss me yesterday?

Me: Por su puesto!

Francisco: Don't be sarcastic. I know you only like me way way way way way way in the back of your heart.