answering phone calls

When I woke up, I had 9 text messages, and one missed call, and one voicemail.
Joey called from the hospital and wondered if I'd be interested in a bla bla bla position, and I said, sure that sounds cool, so I was going to wait for him to call back, when I got another call from this lady Sandy and in 3.5 minutes, I had an interview set up for tomorrow.
So I'm laying there thinking, Whoa there God, what am I gonna do. So I go make some coffee and while it's brewin' Mrs. Mac calls to see if I think I could talk at the women's conference which a thousand miles outside of my comfort zone, so I say, I'm gonna pray about that one... and my eyes are stinging so bad. And I don't know how to make school and a sound check work out on Thursday, so I'm a bit freaked out about that one.

And all I can do is pray. That's all that's left.

"Sometimes I feel like just joking about living the exciting life, and I just want to sit around and eat poptarts."
-Kels, a long time ago, but I still think it's funny


Tired, in the hospital. Chapped lips. But I got the best parking spot on the hospital's whole dang campus. Should do home work. Should chop my back off. Should do a lot of things.

one of our patients called 911 tonight.
It would have been funny, if it weren't not funny, trying to get her to put down the phone. And the nurse was trying to reassure the emergency people that it really wasn't an emergency. I don't understand some people. Some people, on morphine.

One of my patients asked me how I could be so perky in the middle of the night, and I just smiled at her and told her that I drink a lot of coffee.

It's been a good night, and I'm happy, and I'm looking forward to a very good week.

: )

one lifetime is long enough,
is long enough to wait.
David Gray

the cure for winter

We start to know it a little bit more each day. Each time we wear sandals and breathe sunny air.

"Yeah, I know about that."
"What, about being 60% republican?"
"No! Well. I did start a load of laundry."

these whiskey tango ghosts

it seems dumb to me to have horror B-movies on television when their is real horror in real life, all around us, all the time.
why can't we look away?

Met Lauren for tea and cheesecake this afternoon, and she just made me laugh and get excited about bike rides, and spring, and being okay with things. Rilo Kiley songs were going off in my head (do they ever stop now?) as we watched this man climb the stairs and try not to spill two drinks. I wondered, vaguely, why he didn't take a drink out of one, cuz it was too full. I thought, maybe, that his girlfriend was afraid of his germs, and wouldn't like it if she caught him, and the very thought of that was enough to keep him from trying it. Or maybe he just didn't know what to do.
So after I made her late for work, and we hugged in the parking lot, I decided to give blood, because I had the rest of the afternoon to do anything, and I was thinking about all the people that need blood, hoping I had enough iron. And I did.
I think she sliced my artery open, because it really hasn't stopped bleeding, and it's been, oh, six hours. But I don't care.

Now I'm going to get paid to sit and watch someone sleep and write, and listen to music.

history deletes itself
but it can't make their bad dreams go away.

"are you alright? I can't get you off my mind-"

My back might be breakin' and my chest might be caving in, but the sun is shining now. I forgot what that was. Its funny how only in winter can you appreciate that sometimes. I'm glad I don't live where it rains too much.
Took a walk through the streets of the neighborhood behind mine, listened to Tegan and Sara. Forgot also how much I like them. I guess we'd worn them out. So good.

Sometimes, I don't have much to say to God, but I think it's worship enough just to walk down the street and to tell Him he's good. Just cuz you're happy. Listening to their So Jealous album. Cuz I think God likes what I like.
We're friends like that.

"What would you like?"
"Um, can I get a Shirley Temple, do you make those?"
"Yeah."
"And she wants that without alcohol."
"I think Shirley Temples are generally nonalcoholic drinks..."

Sorry. Second post in one night.

It's funny working the night shift how often my mind can change, or my whole mood can change, once I've acclimated to being here. In fact, sometimes I'm even glad I'm here after the first two hours of running around taking vitals and chasing down nurses is over. It can sometimes be peaceful. There is a hum. The computers hum and the furnace blows, sort of. It never really feels warm, but I like it cool because I wear layers and I hate being really hot while I'm working.

But I feel better about my haircut. And I love people. The last one is more important. I LOVE people. I didn't always. I did live inside myself once, and I only loved the people that were loveable. People I thought were awesome, you know? Now I feel like I can even love people I hate, in a way. God has changed my heart, in those respects.


also, I think that we just want to go on adventures. Us. collectively. the boys and the girls, they want to be heroic and heroinish.

I cut some of my own hair this morning.
I mean, I'm used to doing that, but I quit trusting my haircutting skills after the last haircut. Not that it was really bad, but my past two haircuts have been by licensed professionals.

Ha.

I just cut an inch off the back, and I didn't wash my hair. I put a headband on and pretended I hadn't done this sort of thing to myself, again. I get over it pretty quick usually. In fact, I'm fairly sure that I'll be over it by tomorrow.

I got a microphone in the mail. A Shure SM58 for Kelsea's studio. I get really excited about her studio. In her laundry room. It has a cozy sound to it, doesn't it?

Britt's birthday party was last night. It was really nice; everyone was there. Raychel and I drank a lot of cream soda and Brittni looked cute like she always does. We played a round of Mafia and I spilled Nick's drink on the carpet, and I felt bad. But he cleaned it up pretty well. I just sat there feeling dumb, smiling like a stupid-idiot.

We all went home pretty early, but I didn't actually go to sleep til 2 or 3. I can't remember. Good phone conversations with an even better friend, while I laid on the couch by the fireplace. It's so freaking cold all the time. Anyway.

I feel awful tonight, at the hospital. I feel like a horrible nurse assistant. I can't concentrate. Vitals took me forever. I want to just sit and smack my head. Six more hours...
I just feel, slightly out of place and lonely, even though John is back, and there is a certain comfort in that. I just about broke down in the linen closet. I just stood there and prayed that somehow I could pull myself together.
The thing is, I'm really actually very happy. Joyful. My head has just been really cloudy, and I do feel sort of lonely in the midst of it.