Lord you know I'm ready to be found.

It was a hard week. I'll admit it now. I got maybe 5 hours of sleep a night, which was partly my fault, but partly I barely have any time to sleep. So much homework. So much work, and I keep missing the trains. It causes a lot of anxiety. But I'll get it all worked out, I'm pretty sure.

My class ended at 3:30pm yesterday, and I got some lunch with Matt Nanes which we can do on Tuesday/Thursday because of our class schedules. Then he will usually ride the train with me til he reaches the Starbucks that Ashlie works at. After that I met my dad at the Gallivan center for the last twilight show (Neko Case). He has a mild obsession with her music. He took pictures of her during soundcheck and then chased her down to get her to sign one of her albums that he has. And then later on, she played really well with her band. It was a fun show and we could see really well from the spot my dad staked out. I also met up with Hannah from work, saw Lauren and Dax, caught Alison for a second which was crazy, and then at the end Kayleigh, Dave and Jason showed up. It was like a huge party for Salt Lake City. It was wild.

And then tonight I rode down to Provo with Alex and Bryan and went to church with them.
Life is pretty dece, mostly because I get to sleep in tomorrow.
Peace.

I think that I will end up spending a lot of time commuting. But this isn't necessarily bad.

uh.... yeah. Cinnamon applesauce is so good, and text messages from friends who broke your heart a long time ago, and always learning. It's so beautiful, this strange life.
It's such a long way of walking with blisters on your feet to settle down and figure out that in the end


you are really fine about everything.

"Now, go away. My advil is wearing off."

My last day of freedom. But for once it doesn't look as scary as it used to because I will only be going full time this semester and then taper off after that. Or anyways, that's the plan right now. I've been sleeping so much today. I found out that I had today off (instead of working 11 days straight) which is pretty much awesome. If you give me even one day off from work, I will beg to go back. It's funny. I finally decided at 3pm to make a cup of coffee cuz I keep falling back asleep and just the smell of the coffee made me yearn - yes I just said yearn - to go back to work tomorrow.
Possibly I think I'm anemic.
Okay. I'm going back to bed or something.

she said the city's not for sleeping

uh. What I am mostly disappointed in is how quickly the fire and burning leaves your mouth after eating things with hazardous amounts of sriracha in them.

Also I am thinking that I like learning new things and meeting new peoples and having experiences and that this is a good time of life.
I hold on to things loosely, especially everything.

"Behind her skin is actually a boy."
-Noah at age 10, commenting on the olympics

how I feel about when people don't have their myspace profiles set to private.

It makes me pretty happy. And sneaky. I like finding out about them because they don't know I'm finding it out. And sometimes they have funny jokes.

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I'm sort of excited for school to start again. Hopefully I'll be a better student this time around. I think I didn't get excited til yesterday when whole milk two splenda guy came through our drive through. He never talks but lately he's been opening up to me about the economy and such. I hand him his coffee and he tells me that we're doing alright in Utah. He says something about how his students told him with all the coffee he buys he should just invest $6 a day in Starbucks Stock and he laughs, and I ask him what he teaches. He tells me he teaches language to the army, and my interest is suddenly peaked by
a) army
b) language
because I love language and I always wanted to join the army. But anyways, he starts telling me how you can make bank if you know Chinese. So maybe I will finish learning Spanish and then move on to Chinese. And move to California and travel. For fun, you know?
So school doesn't make me as pissy as it used to, is the moral of my story.
And I drink too much coffee.
The End.

Oh wait.

"If I dressed sluttier I'd sell more aprons...but they won't let me."
-Hannah Porter

My phone died at the Pho restaurant, which was a little bit distracting the rest of the night. But the pho was good. Really good.

Celisse and I went to watch people play basketball. I don't play anymore mostly because I'm too lazy to get dressed and I really haven't been running much lately. I can't keep up like I used to. I don't know when I started getting out of shape but I did.

We slept for ten hours. I like to spend the night with Celisse when I get a day off because we just sleep and sleep and sleep and then roll out of bed at 10 when our bodies hurt from lying in bed, and we go get something to eat. Her house is quiet, cuz she doesn't have younger siblings. Her dogs don't bark. We ate some wedding cake she brings home because she is a cake decorator now.

Leaning my body out the window, I start thinking about working at a different bank again, to make more money. Or even, gulp, someday going back to work for IHC. The hospital. Becoming a phlebotomist or something.
But for now, everything is very good.

Also, I just thought this was funny. It's a snippet from a Q & A on the Guide blog on Cha Cha (yes, I'm working for ChaCha. It's actually semi-addicting)

"Dear Guide: I’ll agree with you that those “how many” questions can be tough, especially at the blazing speed ChaCha likes to deliver our answers. But I won’t say impossible. Everything is possible with enough time and coffee.

Of course, we don’t always have enough time or espresso to plumb the depths of the Internet for an answer. So let me offer some quick suggestions..."

"Who the hell is Kaylene?" Nick once said when he had been talking to her for fifteen minutes.
I laugh about it still.

I'm playing memory games with little pieces I forgot and I forget. Maybe I'm trying to categorize tonight, like Elijah Wood in "Everything is Illuminated", sticking things in ziploc bags and stapling them to the wall.

Number one: the smell of the really awful coffee we made at the hospital, and just how the air felt at one in the morning there. I would dip Lorna Dunes in the coffee and try to stay awake, charting vitals. How heavy your eyelids feel when you know you'll be up til 7:30 a.m. The dinging bells of the call lights. Making small talk about Texas with John. He was one of those people I got to know so well. Like when you know everything they're going to say next and all their jokes, and what makes their heart feel heavy when they wake up.

Number two: How I would feel driving to the hospital. Awful. It was dark and the air was hard. But how I would feel driving home; like I had changed the world. And I miss that feeling. I miss that direction and how it was who I was. And how I hated it.

Number three: Starting at Chase. It was hot and smelled good and it was easy to park, and I felt older. Going to the U and the awful headaches, and learning how to put my arms and legs on in the morning and having the most complicated relationships of my entire life, and how easily it all fell together. Learning how to just turn off how I feel: priceless.

That's all and so much for tonight.

Today I turned down an interview to be a shift manager. I had been planning to go to it all weekend, but just didn't have peace about it. In the end, I think it would be just too much with going to school full time, and being in a band that is like another part time job. Jason, I think, talked me out of it the most last night when he said something to the effect of "Shit girl, when are you going to have time to breathe?"

The truth is, I don't even know what to do on my days off any more. I live at Starbucks. I sleep there. I will probably get married at Starbucks and raise children there.
Oh dear. I am delirious.

20 days left before I have to go back to school. DANG.