the stupid rat dog got into our yard, and there was uproar. I was just wondering when I will ever be able to hear and taste and smell again. (it is really unfair that a cold can knock out three of your main senses in one blow) thinking that I rather like coughing syrup though. thinking I might be addicted. planning on taking my new bike for a spin, once I stop suffocating on tissue/toilet paper/ papertowel. hoping that I will write just the right thing on my scholarship applications. driving home in fogginess with fish in the passenger side (on emma's lap of course). knowing I'm wholly not the person I set out to be this summer: acknowledging that I am indeed, five pounds too heavy, and my hair is, unfortunately, no longer.

the stupid soda cans sit on the counter, and there is contemplation. deciding that they look good, but knowing they do not taste good. elbowing my way through my dreams. trying to find one to match my current state of...unpreparedness for the rest of my life. realizing that this is the last year that I may sit and eat popcorn and watch movies with the folks. realizing that I might want to stay home? making coffee with my own coffee maker and painting a picture that I'm fond of. (FOND OF!) oh.....who shall help me do the math.

seeing that I am not an economist like I thought I was.

It is weird, to be back, in the west. I feel like my personality has changed 9 times for 9 different types of people, and now I'm trying to make it normal again. I drove for 7 hours. Starting at 4 am. That feels very ......surreal. And now I'm back at home, and Jack is here, and the stairs are nice and cushy, and the bed I'm sleeping in is my own, and the paint on the wall is paint that I put there. I just want to smile and be all usual again. Because the usual is nice.

Anything you Want
Spoon

If there's anything you want
Come on back 'cause it's all still here
I'll be in the back room drinking my half of the beer
And if you and me is so right
Why is it the same thing every night?

It's just a matter of time
It's almost measurable
Imagination ain't kind on us
Tonight

You're at you best when you got the guns turned 180 degress
And finding out if it adds all up right
We go through the same lies
to sell out
to appease
But go to sleep in a bed of lies
I've made my own, more than once or twice

And now time is my time
Time is my own
I feel so alive, yet I feel so alone
'Cause you know you're the one and that that hasn't changed
Since you were 19 and still in school
Waiting on a light by the corner by Sound Exchange