I've been spending way too much time in nostalgia lately.
It started when I put in an Ani DiFranco CD and went back to Senior year, alone with so many people in that horrible aerobics room, in the morning. The floor smelt like it was burning. Running alone. The sad looks from Babbo that I still recognize on other peoples faces, here and there, in passing, at 2 in the morning or in my sleep at night.
Those songs from Ani were weighing my heart heavier by 5 or 6 pounds, and then that was that, for a couple days.
And then driving through Kearns today with Celisse I remembered Brian O'Rourke's water polo game that we came "way" out to. Junior year. Flashbacks of me and Kelsea and Brian. Or Jordan. Or Linnea.
It makes me homesick for a place that doesn't exist.
The hard part, after losing those friends, is to remember to treasure the people you are with. Trying to hold them down in your arms and whispering, "Please don't go...please don't go." To love them enough that they won't leave you.
Can you stop the fallout?
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2 comments:
I understand more than you know, and I'm sorry your heart has to ache also.
Sometimes you just have to put your head down and ignore the past for awhile, at least until you can handle it again.
I miss the water polo too.. Mostly just brian though.. And the fact that he played drums.. And dug cars... sheesh.. Where did he go anyways.. Broke my heart a couple times..
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