wherever you are

Well, wow. I really haven't been updating lately. 13 days just comes and goes. Quickly, thank goodness, because that means the paychecks do too.

I sort of feel like I've been drowning this week, but I guess you have to have the salty to taste the sweet.
Finally got to Friday night without letting handsome strangers talk me into speed-skating dates, or leaving town or any of that.
Had a wonderful seven hour Italian dinner with some best friends that just get better the older we get. I like that.
I guess, even though I am stressed out every time I see a new wrinkle under my eyes (must cut back on Wes Anderson makeup) I am at least glad that we're all growing older together, while we get to. I know my parents said goodbye to a lot of really great friends due to church-planting, but I hope we have a little while before any of that which leads me to...

I said no to the store opening in Wyoming. Or at least told my boss I didn't want to interview for it anymore. My heart was just not excited about it anymore, and I'd rather pour my time into people here, and go to barbecues and frisbee games than live in a resort town for six weeks with a fake-ish smile on my face. She also offered me a position as shift manager which I turned down as well, because I don't want to feel more loyalty to my retail job than I really need to. My heart is too full of love and I'll end up being here for 10 years making zero money, and still living in my parents basement.
Grow up already! you may be saying.
I'm trying! is my response.
"That's what you get for having such a good attitude at work, I guess," is what my boss says.

And some days are so lonely that you think you're going to start coughing up blood because your heart is hemorrhaging or whatever. Gross. You look around at all your friends that you love, and you know that they're there for you, but you just don't even know what to say. You start a text message, and then delete it. It's something your Creator only knows how to deal with, and love you through it.  It hurts, but there is Grace. And because of grace, there is also whiskey, which is a great medicine for chest pain.

There is new life in tomorrow.

"He has his dad's smile and his mom's angry eyes."
-Stesha