These are the worst nights as I remember them

The top worst night of my life was in 2006 at a club in Ogden that I went to with Ashley, to see Billy play with Fear Before, and I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours, and I was sick, and she disappeared with Billy at some point, and I remember thinking in the bathroom with hardcore music thrashing through the walls, that if there was an easy way to kill myself I would have done it, because I didn't have enough cash on me to take a taxi back to the suburbs or even SLC. It's hard to describe how you can get in a mindset like that, but there I was.

The second worst night of my life was driving home from my grandmother's funeral in September of 2009, with the weight of everything that was happening at that point in time, and it was raining, and I was driving down the canyon, and I didn't want to end my life so much as I couldn't possibly see a way that it was going to be able to keep going.

Last night was probably the third worst night of my life as I sat freezing on the side of the interstate for hours, waiting, and embarrassed, for my dad to come and save me from car trouble, and also to release my brother of his duty to me, as he was having a freak-out session of his own. Jacking the car up over and over, and nothing seeming to work.

But this time, I think I was calmer (at least, more than Philip was at the moment), and what I am learning is that
God is sovereign and in control of everything.
In the end I am a spoiled white girl, and even laying in my bed, still shivering for an hour afterward, I was so glad that I had a father who came to save me: the daughter who stayed out too late and had no recourse. I also have a Father who has saved me, the sinner, from the wicked life I've built for myself. At three a.m. I saw this picture of unconditional love.

And the answer is that, God is good, even though I want to close my eyes to it so much of the time, and I want my own timing. He shows up in ways I can't believe.