I let myself feel things now because I don't have a choice.

I feel happy and recharged.
I feel sad, and I can't mask it with something. I let myself have a milkshake and I tell all my problems to the dog. The dog says, let's go for a walk.

I go for a walk. Feel angry that I feel love. I feel angry that I might be in love with a fool, and also feel angry that my sinuses hurt and my throat is swollen and I have to take care of myself.

And I'm grateful. For all the minutes of it. The minute I want to be with Jesus more than here. The minute the sun rises and the fields glow. The minute my coffee reaches drinking temperature.

I get tired of being the bad guy. When I get tired, I go to bed, and then tomorrow we lace up our boots.          

I told You I'd never be in Your army again, but the fight--and Your mercy--sucked me back in.