so I could be happy

I feel pretty lighthearted today.
The weekend was good, the time change was hard.

I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep quickly on Sunday night, and that's always the time that you think of everything, right? I miss the farm so bad. I miss it, and I look forward to it, and I get up and make toast and coffee and go to work for it. The love of being home in the green hills and with my grandpa, and the smell of hay and grass, the way the sun sets in bursting stars through holes in the walls of the barns. Slipping away to eat an ice cream sandwich in the cellar. Finding a frog got into the bathroom from an open window. The thunder and lightning keeping you up at night and sharing a room with five people you love so much. The love of the sadness, the history, and how it keeps moving on as we lose people who go to our real home to be with Jesus. Patsy Cline at dinner time and drinking wine til 1 in the morning with a soldier and his Iraq baggage and his hopes and his fears. Running down gravel roads with cousins.

Those are the only dreams that I want to dream at night.

But God has given me gifts here too. Movies til 2 in the morning. Strong coffee. Surprise morning snow when I walk from building to building. A 3 hour conversation with an old buddy who makes me laugh. Rewatching The Office from the beginning. Freedom. Mid-day hangouts with my dad. Sunlight. Running outside again. Fancy dinners with Celisse. How fun my siblings actually are. My job.
The grass is so green, when it comes down to it.
Thank you God for your plan for it, even when it happens one day at a time.