This week I am not so scared.
Of jobs.
Of moving into the future alone.
Packing my soldier backpack to just do whatever God calls me to for August. For Fall. For stab wounds. For car crashes. For answering unknown callers. Of white water rapids and bug bites that keep getting redder. Of losing an arm to the bug bite. Of whether or not my tomato plants live. Of broken heart #57. Of conversations with a dying atheist. Of never hearing from you. Of never leaving here.
Not scared of dehydration. Not scared of going the whole day without a nap. Not afraid to tell people I love them when it hurts my throat to keep it in. Not afraid of empty mailboxes. Not afraid when you have nothing to say to me. I don't have anything to say to me either. I'm not afraid of reading the newspaper or volcanoes or the economy or germs hidden in bathroom tiles. Not afraid of blacking out at a Target. Not afraid of getting murdered at 4am.
It could happen. But it'll be nice to meet my maker. Desperate for Him more everyday.
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3 comments:
This is what Honduras taught me. All my anxiety and worry is just to preserve myself, but for what? God is sovereign. He has a plan for my life and if that includes dying early or suffering then why not? I trust Him now more than ever.
I just want to keep doing His work without fear.
Amen. I am trying to just let go of the little things that I worry about all day. It's just holding me back.
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