the sun was on the rise

I looked out over the airplane wing on Wednesday and thought I'd come back all bright and shiny like someone had erased my hard drive and I'd have all this beautiful RAM and I'd be efficient and taller and more likeable and stop getting angry and stop watching TV and

mostly I just sort of stopped eating once I got here, and definitely stopped sleeping.

I've actually been having great times with my friends at night, but then I get home and lay in bed and wait for sleep to come. And then I work tired all day, but my thoughts are racing when I come home for my post-Starbucks nap.

I think of my to-do list and look at the wall.
I'm a little overwhelmed, but positive.

God is giving me small joys to make it through hours. Surprising moments of opening the front door at 4:20 am and seeing that is raining, lightly.
A customer who notices that I was gone and whose face lights up when he sees that I am back.
A favorite old song coming on the random Starbucks playlist, and sweet girls who want to shoot espresso shots with me and laugh at my jokes.

Anyway. Here are some pictures of our family farm, and the Heaven I left to come back to the desert.
There is hope to go back, and there is hope to be here.
To do good work.
To be bright and shiny.