"Sounds like a boring life."
"I hope it last forever," she said.
-Don Dellilo White Noise

college
14 days left of this semester

I walked into her tiny office, should I knock on the door? I stepped sorrily on papers and over books laying on the floor. She finally notices me and says oh yes come in, and I find that I don't have quite as much respect for professors who clean their offices.
"I can't be bothered to keep my office clean," she tells me raspily. I could listen to her voice all day. If I could just lay in bed eating pancakes, and have her read to me....well it would be magnificent to say the least.
But I snap back to where we are.
"I came to talk to you about my paper." I sit with my ankles crossed, like I am at an interview, and her blue eyes engulf me. Wildly, she gestures, articulates. She says what they all tell me: that I have clear writing and terrible ideas. But by the end of the procedure, without taking off my coat, I check something off the list.

[x] See a professor during office hours.

Something I've never done. And a huge responsibility slash weight is lifted off of me as I walk out the door and a man in a hat is congratulating her on the Phillie's winning last night.

I am slowly taking steps toward recovering who I used to be. Or who I thought I used to be. A strong girl who doesn't blanch and shut down.
Moments at a time.