I am realizing that no matter how much people get what they want, they're still never happy. I think everyone has to realize that for themselves, and it's something I learn over and over as I watch the people I love get what they want, and God just wants them to burn for him.

He leaves us with a hole, because he loves us and wants us to seek him.

It's still hard to remember. When Bill talks about money at church, I always think exactly what he says..."No way, if someone gave me a million dollars, I'd do exactly the right things with it." But I know that when everything was said and done, it would just teach me how to get in more credit debt than I already am. So I'm happy being poor and not seeing the end of this tunnel quite yet.

And as for my heart, I am trying to brainwash myself a little. Trying to love being single (which is sometimes very easy and sometimes excruciating) enough that I could maybe stop smiling at Kevin, who comes through my drive-thru every day and would love to make my life any kind of hell he chose. Funny how easy it is to see through a fast car and cocky grin sometimes.

Sunday: shaky and coffee and lovely and unsatisfactory.