"take heart, take heart...as if I had a heart..."
-girls singing by my car

parties at the Porters

Jeff and Brenda Porter are quite possibly my very first nomination for "Interesting Couple of the Century". We were just sitting there, at their party, and he gets up and gives a word or two, and says, "Honey, do you have anything to say?"
"Amen," she replies.
"She has nothing to say?" He is puzzled, and is handing out Christmas Carol sheets. Apparently we're going to break out in Silent Night right in the middle of the party. I'm getting lightheaded because there are alot of people in the room using up my oxygen, plus I'm singing very long notes. So I'm already goony, and Mike Lemonjello is shouting, "Sell it on ebay! What do you get for that Norm?"
"Is it new?"
"Mint in the package."
"$800." And I can't stop giggling, which makes me more lightheaded.
I'm standing around the soda-table with three sound-guys and a few bassplayers, and it's nice, because me and Kelsea fit right in. I'm like, "How unusual to have us music people all around one table," then I realize that it is a musically-themed church party. And I get it. Mike Lemonjello is whispering to me secrets about how to trick the soundguys into letting me be louder.
Lee is mad that I would even think of touching my amp, and he is telling me to move to Europe so I can listen to techno and loud bass. And I spill my 6th cup of Pepsi under a chair, and feel bad cuz the Porter's have nice carpet.

Forgive me if I'm unchronological. I'm going backwards.

I sat in the car with her, like I always do, and the music is loud, so we are screaming at each other til she turns it down to get really passionate about the song. "How long, how long, will we live in a place called Vertigo?" and I am smiling, because she wants to rock like U2, forever, and I think that our music will be played on movies during the important parts.

I just remember taking walks with him, after I'd had a breakdown, and he would tell me what life was, and we could see our breath as we walked through the night down Del Clair Road, and sometimes I miss that. I remember that J.D. said that the world was all wrong, and Dad would nod and say it's all gonna burn.

I remember being six years old, being pretty sure I had lung disease when the car windows were shut, and how that progressed into a hypochondria that I've recently tried to murder.

Life is funny sometimes when you can't get back onto the chair you were so sure of. Sorry for a long post.